The Carry-On World XI

Just in case anyone thought this blog might have delusions of intellectual grandeur..it doesn’t.

Matron, take them away……

Football these days is up its own arse. If I see another one of those interminable, arty introductory sequences on Match of the Day or Sportscene again, I think I’ll spit. The ones that make out a particular match is a clash of Greek gods and Titans as written by Eurypides and filmed by Stanley Kubrick. FUCK OFF! It’s Burnley v Crystal Palace!

It is my duty, and anyone else’s who thinks in a similar way, to prick such pomposity, to parry such pretension, to expose all that bollocks and show football for what it is. A (sometimes) enjoyable pastime on a Saturday afternoon, although that’s a rare event these days thanks to the good people at Sky, BT, Amazon, Premier Sports and whatever other ‘platforms’ exist to ruin our game. It’s a bit like all those commentators who constantly refer to it as ‘The Beautiful Game‘. Just because Pele said it once doesn’t mean it’s true. There’s nothing beautiful about it, it’s rough, sometimes violent, dirty and cynical. And that’s why we love it. As the great Danny Baker once said, there’s nothing a crowd enjoy more than an off-the-ball chinning. But due to the boring nature of players nowadays, there’s sadly few of those anymore.

So here is my slightly rude world eleven, just to hammer home the fact that football should never be taken seriously. Please feel free to make any other suitably naughty suggestions, should anyone else read this post who has a schoolboy sense of humour like mine.

  1. Pumpido
  2. Dicks
  3. Bumstead
  4. Van Gobbel
  5. Shittu
  6. Scheidt
  7. Fuchs
  8. Ufarte
  9. Kuntz
  10. Umtiti
  11. Goodwillie

Subs:BALL and ARCE

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